Dear mom,

 

 

            This is a letter that I am writing to you. Just a piece of my soul, so you can read my life so far from my point of view. Maybe it would make you reconsider yourself. Either way…let’s begin.

 

Mama said that i was pretty. And that whatever is in my head, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is to brush my teeth, comb my hair and wear nice clothes. She always said that i had to be a perfect little girl. Perfection…that’s such a disease. The disease of this nation. We all tend to seek perfection, but she forgot in her quest, that i was a human being. That maybe, just maybe, I didn’t want to achieve that superficial perfection. She used to put in my head ideas that big chest is normal, sugar free is better, thinner is the new black. Well, what about my mind? What if my mind is the new black?

 

        So i left. I left without looking back. I took an exam to a prestigious college and got top scores. Now i remember the times i was studying hidden behind curtains of clothes, in the backstage at beauty peagents, rehearsing everything that i have learned during exhausting, never-ending make-up sessions…and that’s why i left. I wasn’t happy with myself. She used to brag with her perfect, gorgeous daughter, but not even once she said that i was also smart. Brave. Or anything else. Just pretty. Gorgeous. Well shit…it still pretty hurts. The college was a hit. I was by far the best in my year, considering that now i had time to study properly, without hiding, or being yelled at when found. I left mother behind, with her way to masquerade. I shed her illusion and now i am free.

 

     Everything worked like a charm. I’ve met this guy after my first two years. Well, actually i’ve met several other guys before him, but i’ve quickly discarded them. They did what my mother did and only appreciated me for my beauty. Fuck that dude. Talk to me, make me question my existence, make me wonder, rekindle my spark of curiosity. But nooo. And then this guy came. Different. Of course, he appreciated my looks, but most of all he started talking to me. Hours and hours and countless hours. About everything and anything. He asked for my opinion on various topics, came with ideas and so on. Naturally, at first i didn’t belive anything that he said. I had questioned every word that came out of his mouth. He told me during our first dates that he is one of the best liars that i would ever meet in my life. Who says that? What the fuck man?

 

      But then…he went and slowly proved with every action that he was sincere with me, at least. First, in my mind there was a chorus that kept on repeating itself: “ You must not know about me, you must not know about me. I could have another you in a minute. Don’t think for a second that you’re irreplaceable”. But he didn’t give two fucks about my chorus and kept on his way, doing stuff for me, being there for me, making me laugh and so on. What was going on? And as he was doing his best to treat me the way i deserved, slowly but surely my previous thoughts were replaced. No longer i was hiding from him.

 

      Now…my mind was only remembering those walls I built and how they're tumbling down. And they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let him win me, but I never really had a doubt. It's like I've been awakened and every rule I had you break it. Tennis shoes, don't even need to buy a new dress because…If you ain't there, ain't nobody else to impress. And so…i have learned how to live. I have found someone that encourages me to think. To question everything. To bend the rules. And to make the most out of my mind. So see mother? My way truly is irreplaceable. Because now…I am not empty anymore. Now I am.

 

 

        Love, your daughter.