Sometimes you wake up after a long time. And why is that? Because even though you were awake, actually you were asleep. Your eyes were closed to the world and to yourself. You were contemplating faint glimpses of the outside world and the faintest glimpses of your internal world. Basically you were blind.

 

And in your ragging blindness, you struck. Countless and countless times, you have broken the people that came and tried to bring that light back. The fact that you have failed to understand even from the very beginning, was essential today. You were going through a period when you and only you blocked that light.

 

And in your so thought incurable blindness, came across a wall. A well built wall, but with some cracks in it from former hits. And like the moron that you are, you have tried to conquer that wall. You’ve climbed it. Barely. You came down. Barely. And finally, on the other side of the wall, you have met someone cowering over there. That someone was as blind as you were. Valiantly you have tried to convince that person to climb back the wall with you, forgetting that both of you were complete idiots. Nobody can do that while being enveloped in the darkness. Right? But she could. And you…you couldn’t.

 

And instead of climbing the wall with her, rather than letting her getting on top of it, then see the real you at that precise moment, the real broken, fucked up, blind you…well, dammit boy. You broke right through the damn construction and let her behind. Or that’s what she thought at that moment and maybe she still thinks the same. Of course she does, because she was kinda ready.

 

But what she doesn’t know, is that despite how it looked, you have tried to do her a favor. You’d rather walk that line alone, because she was just about to get rid of the blindness. And you didn’t want to became the reason for her next wall. So, you left like a bastard, taking the curses and the sorrow on you, being aware that what you have left behind was damaged by that departure. But you left anyway. Better suffer a small damage now, than suffer a cataclysmic event later, right?

 

No you fucking idiot.

 

Now, just like you are used since the times you were a child, you are finally enjoying the light. It was a long road. And why am I mentioning your childhood? Because since from the childhood, all of your struggles were dealt with it alone. Without dragging anyone down. Now you are whole again. At last. But the question that you should really ask yourself, after breaking a hole through that wall…did more light came inside it? Is she still partially blind? Or she can finally see?

 

Because you know…one of the things that you regret is that hole. And you’re sorry. Sorry that you gave her hope of climbing that tall mountain built around herself. Sorry for crushing that hope. Sorry for the end, sorry for the departure and most of all: sorry for probably adding another layer to that fucking wall. She didn’t deserve it. Well, by now…you are used to carry your cross, your sins. I've crossed every line, broken every boundary and now it's retribution time.

 

So strike me down, take me away my debts to you are due, it's time to pay. It’s time for me to face what I deserve and finally here comes my judgment day.

I won't run, the guilt is mine and for too long I was denying all my crimes.

 

Face what I deserve. That will be my swan song, my requiem, my Pieta.

 

Now you see me?